Silent Screams

The world has stopped

You can’t hear me screaming.

You don’t hear me dying.

I am screaming

Pulling my hair and screaming

Filling the void with my screaming

Tearing at the carpet

Nothing left but screams

The emptiness I feel inside is only blotted by screams. 

Yet no one hears.

No one cares.

The world just keeps spinning

And I

I will keep screaming.

 

 

I wrote this in response to the old emotions that creep up on me at times. The emotions I used to feel….or rather didn’t. I was a shell before I met JESUS. A good for nothing shell of a girl who once was but never is. I did so much as a kid. I was in every 4-H club my county would offer. I went to Washington D.C. twice for different leadership conferences. I even went to China for the Global Young Leaders Conference (yeah that is nice to have on a resume). I won so many awards and certificates.On the outside, I was the girl who had everything when in truth I had nothing. The poorest man on earth had more than I did. I was so blind…..so blind. I hated the world and everything in it, determined to prove that I was more than just a silly, farm girl. Prove it i did. I prove daily that I am stronger than most females my age. I prove daily that I can hold my own without anyone, that I am independent. I could have proved that I was worth something and still have been nothing. That was what I was…..nothing. No matter how hard I worked, I knew what I was. I knew that my inner soul would continue to scream just to fill the void that was nothing. That void became my normal. I learned to live around it, so it didn’t consume my very being. Or so I thought. I know now that the void was continuing to eat away at me. I just thought that screaming would fill the void. In fact, the screaming was just my soul’s way to show I needed more, to make me ache for something that would stop my neverending pain. That something came on October 2, 2012. I met JESUS that day. My soul stopped screaming. I suppose it really knew all along that JESUS was what I really needed in my life. So let me ask you, are you sick of screaming? Because JESUS can hear you. HE can hear your every demand. Your every yearning. Even when the world turns its back on you HE will leave you.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s