I miss her. I miss my best friend. That age old saying “You never know what you have til it’s gone” is so true. More true than I wish it to be. In a post entitled, “Friendship” I stated I never had a best friend…..well, after I received the news of Mary Cole’s death, I realized that I did have a best friend. It was one of those friendships where we could go months without speaking to one another, but just pick up exactly where we left off when we could get together. Yeah, there were times we couldn’t stand one another, but I suppose everyone has those days. Looking back, I see how much we had. She was my best friend. The girl who taught me so much about life….the girl who taught me it was ok to be myself, that I didn’t have to be whoever everyone wanted me to be. That’s what best friends do. They support each other…and love one another even if they are miles apart….
That is exactly what Cole did, but through the glories of social media. Whenever I would post something, I could almost guarantee she would comment, and I could almost guess what she would say……that was how she showed she still loved me. I miss my Cole. She was a little firecracker, and she is being missed by so many…..but that doesn’t make it easier for me. I wish so much that she was still here……I want my best friend back…but I can’t have her, least not in this life.
This is where I am learning to move on, to continue living even without my best friend. She is not really gone. The memories we shared still live inside my heart. I see her in everything I do. I see her dancing when I am listening to music. I hear her laughing when I stumble walking to class (I am a clutz and she never let me forget it). I see her with everything I do. I cry at night because I miss her. People tell me I am being so strong……but I feel so weak inside….only GOD knows how much pain is there. HE is the only one I completely confide in. I don’t want to be a bother to others, so I cry my tears in his arms. HE loves me and will never die. HE is the strength that I draw from when I cannot stand any longer. I am bound set and determined that Cole’s memory will not die. If no one else does, I will remember.