Since my best friend passed, many people have approached me, asked me how I was doing, then proceeded to tell me exactly how grief worked……or how it worked for them. I suppose that people think that, since I am so young, I do not know anything about grief. This is false…..I know quite a bit about grief. Losing my friend isn’t my first round on the grief rodeo. I’ve lost my father when I was two. Three of my grandparents were dead before I was born. I lost my last grandparent when I was six. I also lost my oldest brother to a similar car accident that I lost my friend the same year I lost my brother. No, this isn’t my first ride on the grief rodeo, and I am certain it won’t be my last.
Here is what I came to post, never, I say NEVER tell someone you know how they are feeling because you don’t. You can’t. Yes, maybe you have lost someone as well, but two people are never the same. The way one person experiences grief is not the same as another. For all you people, you don’t know. Please stop saying you do. I understand that you are just trying to help in the only way you know how…but it really isn’t helping. Not me anyway. It doesn’t help me anyway. What does help is having people listen to me. Listen to when I am pouring out my heart. Listen to my many memories with Cole, or just let me vocalize how much I really miss her. That helps. Just having someone listen helps. No, they can’t make the pain go away, but they can at least hold me while I cry. That just means so much.