I came home this summer with the intent to mend old broken relationships. Here it is now, a mere month away before returning back to the place I dearly love. I feel as though I have not accomplished one darn thing that I set out to do. I haven’t mended those broken relationships. I haven’t shown the people that share parts of my DNA that I love them. I wanted to help my mother on the farm. I wanted to treat her with complete respect as I have tried to do my entire childhood…yet again, I have found myself wondering why I set out on a mission I have tried to do countless times and have continually failed. Continually, I have I have been hurt and degraded, loved and hated. This summer, I again found myself hanging my head in defeat.
But I really have not been defeated. I have done what I can to help my family, but ultimately, it is up to them to accept that what I have done is truly my best. I can’t make that decision for them. I can’t make them see that I am not perfect. I can’t make them love me in return. Because of my very limited human abilities, I am unable to make them see things that they do not know.
What is that supposed to mean? I can’t make them see things that they do not know?
My family (for the most part) does not know JESUS. Now, before I go further, I will explain something. I live in the Bible Belt of America. Does that mean that everyone I know are Christians? By no means it does not. The only thing that living in the Bible Belt means is that nearly everyone goes to church, but few (just like every where else in the world) actually know and love the LORD with all their heart. My family goes to church. I grew up in church, but church was only a place you went on Sunday. It was viewed like going to work. You had to go, or the entire town would be gossiping about you and your “unfaithfullness.” GOD spoke to my heart when I was seventeen, and I became HIS. Because of this, I eventually saw the error in the ways of which I was raised.
Love is derived from JESUS. Christians possess the ability to love love others because JESUS loved us first. It is because of this that my family cannot truly feel the love that I am trying so hard to show them. I am praying for them constantly. I cannot bear to see them hurting as they are. I know from experience that only GOD can take such hurts. Only HE can heal the hearts and minds of those that have been greatly hurt. I pray that my family finally knows the love that I do. That they become GOD’s too.